All the Time Since
by Daydreaming-with-ink
Summary: After a year away, they've come back to a big mess. This is Suzy and Henry, fighting for their love over the years that follow. How I imagine it would have gone down if there was to be no season 3. Rated for swearing and mild adult themes.
1. One: Only the Lonely

_Author's Note: _I was going to wait until I'd finished this fic before posting but I've decided to take the plunge and just do it, because I really do love this show and I want to add something to the fandom since it's depletion of late.

Disclaimer: I own nothing. I have a cat called Henry, but sadly, not my own sexy ghost. But I live in hope.

* * *

><p><strong>One: Only the Lonely<strong>

Those first few weeks are hell, trying to figure out what her life has become and just who Suzy Darling is, now, to everyone.

She cries more often that she's ever done in her life: when she speaks to her father's portrait hung in the new dental practice, there are tears in her eyes though there have never been before. When Henry is the only one at home, she sits on the back porch wrapped in her mother's blanket and weeps. For what she has lost, for what she has done and, in those moments when Henry's wrath inspires her…for what the _universe has fucking done to them._ Where are those reminders she was promised? Where is her mother, her saviour, who was meant to be her guiding light? She's a bird that's been flying blind for miles, only to suddenly find that home is far away. And everyone else has long since moved on.

It's a warm afternoon, Aaron is at work and she and Henry are both outside, basking in the last sunlight. She feels its warmth like a peaceful slumber settling over her, while he squints against the light and pretends to feel it. Suzy curls her toes against the grain of the back porch and thinks again of the moment Henry came back to her.

"_Suzy? What is it?" _

_It's impossible to ignore Aaron's voice any longer. She pleads with her eyes for Henry to come inside, certain he knows that he will always be welcome and shouldn't lurk. He nods and she turns her back on him, that man who is her world, to another where her children and Aaron are staring at her with concern. Her hand slips away from the glass like it has lost all its strength. _

"_Sorry, I'm just – I'm not feeling very well," she lies. "I think I'd better go lie down for a while." _

"_Can I get you anything?" Aaron asks, "Do you want me to -?"_

"_No," she says firmly, "No it's okay. I just need to lie down."_

_This house is filled with her belongings but she may as well be walking blind for all she knows about it. She closes the door and as an afterthought locks it, sinks down onto the bed. The sheets are not hers – __**how deeply has Aaron sunk into my life?**__ They crinkle unpleasantly as she bunches them in her fists. She curls onto her side and smiles tiredly at Henry, who lies down beside her. It's such a relief just to have him here that she feels dizzy. He moves as close as he can get to her; she is the only familiar scent in this new bedroom that smells of a man's cologne. It terrifies him, the things in this house that don't belong to Suzy._

"_How long do you reckon you've been stuck with that smarmy git for?" he asks._

"_I don't know," she whispers, laying her cheek into her hand. "We're __**living together, **__Henry." The second she says it she wants to take it back. It doesn't sound right, out in the open. _

"_That other you must be quite attached to him," Henry sniffs, hurt evident in his voice. _

"_Hey that's not me, remember?" she replies, "I don't want him."_

"_Well on some level you must –" he breaks off when he sees the tears in her eyes. "Know what," he says quickly, "It doesn't matter."_

"_It's not that," she murmurs, wiping her eyes. "My mother's dead, Henry."_

"_Oh. Shit," he mutters, struck dumb by such news. Helen? Gone? Well…it explains a lot. "I'm sorry, Suze. Really, I am."_

"_I know. She was the only one that knew about all this," she whispers, and it __**hurts,**__god that truth hurts. She wants to wail, to beat the ground, sink into these unfamiliar sheets and hide. "Without her…I'm on my own again."_

_He can't bear to see her in such pain, never could. He suddenly decides with absolute resolution that God doesn't exist. Never mind his own existence that disproves anything, how could someone that powerful inflict such fucking misery on someone like Suzy?_

"_You're not on your own," he tells her with conviction. "We're going to sort this out, Suzy Darling. I am __**not**__ going anywhere." _

Suzy resurfaces from the memory like it was a dream, finding that the sun has sunk a little lower. She shivers at the cool wind now playing around them. "I don't know what I'd do without you," she tells him. Henry sniffs at his glass of wine, imagining the taste, and feels nothing but bitterness for the world. He feels like that a lot these days. They fight more than they used to, because Suzy is at breaking point and it's so hard to catch up without anyone noticing.

"If I wasn't here you'd never be in this mess in the first place," he replies darkly. "You'd be married to Aaron by now and you'd have been able to say goodbye to your mum."

"I only met Aaron because of you," she counters, not looking at him, finishing the last of her wine with something akin to desperation.

"You'd marry someone else then," he says gruffly. "You'd be happy now, at least."

"I _am_ happy," she protests. It comes out as a growl. He raises an eyebrow. "I just mean…" her voice trembles. "I _will _be. I have you, don't I?"

"I shouldn't have come back," he murmurs, getting to his feet. "I should have let you go."

"Well you've changed your tune," she replies harshly, "I thought you said you weren't going anywhere?" She slams her wine glass onto the floor with more force than necessary. "And anyway, you can't just _let me go. _I'm not trapped, Henry. I _wanted _this, it was my idea. Mum and I, we just didn't think - we didn't plan well enough. I never thought she'd – she'd…" Suzy feels the tears coming again, and more than anything she is _angry_. When did these floodgates open inside her? What happened to the days when emotions made her awkward, not honest? Henry has broken her down, made her into a real person, that's what has happened. On another day she would be grateful for it, but today she's too tired.

Henry paces the length of the veranda, careful to step around her and over the wine glasses as if it matters. Like he really holds any sway over the living world.

"Do you regret it?" he asks flatly, and she doesn't have to ask what he means.

Her voice is black and cuts like daggers. "You're the love of my life, Henry," she replies. "But right now I think I need to be alone."

And soon, she is.

* * *

><p>Suzy is cleaning her bedroom when she finds the suitcase with her name on it.<p>

It's small and unobtrusive, tucked away under the bed – but the name is written across the fabric in thick black ink, in her mother's handwriting. There's a lock on the zip, keeping the secrets safe from prying eyes. Suzy's mind races, her throat thick and voiceless. She drags the case out and lifts it onto the bed – it's not heavy, barely sinks into the feather stuffed blanket. Her fingers toy with the lock, smoothing over its dusty surface. Where would the key be? Carefully she runs her hands over the whole case, searching for a pocket that might hold it. She turns it over and on the back is another message. _Look at me._

"Look at me…?" she murmurs, voice returning. Her hand unconsciously rises to fondle her necklace, as it does when she's thinking about people who matter to her. _Look at me._ She sees Helen behind her closed eyes, with that knowing smile and those hard eyes that have seen more than anything in this world. _Look at me._ She wishes she could see her again, just once. Briefly she wonders why Helen hasn't come to her the way Henry does, until she remembers that Robbie would have been waiting. A photograph comes to mind. The photo of Helen with Verity and Elvis, tucked into an armchair and wearing Christmas hats. Suzy seeks out the picture, where it sits framed on her nightstand. Without thinking she turns it over and notices the bulge in the back of the chipboard. Sure enough, when she opens the back, there's a key. She takes it, lingering on her mother's framed face for just a second longer before returning to the suitcase.

Just before fitting the key into the lock she remembers Henry, and hurries out of the room in search of him.

"Henry!" she calls loudly, because nobody is home. "Henry, I've found something!"

He appears through the back door, hurrying up the stairs at the tone in her voice. "What's going on?" he asks worriedly, all thoughts of their fighting dismissed.

"I think my mum left me something," she answers breathlessly, already dashing back to the bedroom. "It might be diaries of what's been happening."

"Helen, you never cease to surprise me," Henry mutters, perching next to the suitcase as Suzy unlocks it with fumbling hands.

Inside is just what they've been hoping for. A myriad of memories. There's a small portable DVD player sitting beneath a case full of about twenty discs. Suzy flicks through the labels of them: _Verity's 12__th__ Birthday, Suzy's 40__th__, Elvis at the Airport and the Welcome Home Party, Jonquil and Zac's Wedding – _

"Their _wedding_?" Henry splutters as Suzy reads them aloud, but she doesn't linger, looking for something else.

"Here," she announces, pausing on one disc. "_Helen at the hospital, October 21__st__. _And _Helen with the kids, Christmas 2011._" She glances up at Henry, thoughts running riot. "I missed my mum's last Christmas, Henry," she states in a high voice, distraught.

"What are those?" he points at a stack of envelopes, because he doesn't know what to say.

There are about twelve of them, all labelled differently, some heavily stuffed with items unknown and others light as a feather. Suzy spreads them out on the bed and scans over the labels. "_Your new dentistry," _Henry reads from one, and another: "_Your new house." _

"_Photos of the trip to Melbourne,_" Suzy reads, picking up a particularly heavy envelope, desperate for pictures of Helen.

"_My dearest Suzy, please read this first,"_ Henry murmurs in a hoarse voice. His gaze flicks up at Suzy, finds her tense and trembling. In lieu of being able to put his arms around her, which is what he wants more than anything, he gestures at the envelope closest to him and offers this as comfort instead.

Suzy picks it up, trying to gauge from the weight of the paper what truths might be within. She unfolds the letter, licking her dry lips, and there is the familiar scrawl of her mother's handwriting. It loops and slants and flows along the pages like a river, and she tries to keep her shaking hands still as she reads aloud:

"_My dear Suzy,_

_I am so very sorry. I've spent every night hoping you might come back in time, but if you're reading this then it wasn't meant to be. I am no longer with you. I want to assume that you must be so lost, my poor dear, but that would be an insult. I cannot be pompous enough to think that you would ever need me __**that **__much. After all, you grew into such a fine woman without me – though we both know someone else helped with that. Just know that this time, I didn't leave you willingly. I would never have left you again, if I could help it. _

_I don't know if you've figured out what happened, but I'd like to give you my account of it anyway. Two months after you left, I was diagnosed with lung cancer. Stage two. You had learnt to turn a blind eye on my smoking habit, because I think you knew I would never have given it up. Maybe I should have tried. It's my thirty year habit that has led to my death, Suzy, and I'm sorry. So sorry, because it's a death I could have avoided. I started chemotherapy and radiation therapy, but it was more than I could handle. It felt like I would die from the treatment before I died of the cancer. I have never been the strong one in this family; you and I know that. I am trying every alternative method under the sun, but the cancer has continued to spread. Maybe it's because I'm weak, or maybe it's because I have already given my heart and soul to someone on the other side. But I can't fight it, Suzy, not the way you need me to, and I'm so sorry. The doctors have given me less than a year. _

_Before I go any further there is something I have to warn you about. Though, now that I think about it, for you it might be too late. For me, it has only just begun. You have been speaking with that man, Aaron, the one you told me about last year. You've been out for coffee with him three times now, and I've met him. Suzy, he is the kind of man I'd have wished for you before I knew about Henry. He's clever and funny. He hasn't met the kids yet but I know he wants to. I can see very clearly that he cares about you. But I know that __**you**__ don't want him, the real you. I know you have Henry, and that you'd be appalled at the idea that you might be cheating on him. So far, all I know is that you like him. I'm trying very hard to dissuade you from seeing him, I've even lied a few times about messages he's left. I'm doing it all for you of course, and hoping that the rest of your family doesn't interfere, even if they can never understand. I just want you to know that I am doing my best, despite the fact that the world seems to have its own plans, and I hope you find only your children waiting when you come home._

_I have put together this package for you and I'll continue to update it to the moment of my death, if I can. The DVD player is so that you can watch these movies in private, if you need to. There are more notes from me, and plenty of videos of us together. Savour them, but don't linger on them. I want you to catch up, not fall behind farther than before. There is enough here for you to hopefully piece together everything, but I can't provide for what might have happened since my death. I wish I could do more. I keep myself going with the knowledge that you are out there with the one you love. Give Henry my regards, and please, don't blame him. There were times when I wanted to put everything on Robbie's shoulders, and it wasn't worth the pain of upsetting him. There is always more than one person at fault, Suzy, but please don't think on that too much either. Just forgive yourself now for the choices you will make, love Henry, and let him love you. You are an outstanding mother and a very clever person, and I know that you will make better decisions than I ever did. I know you will find a way to make one world out of the two that you have been given. Don't panic. Don't cry too much, or hurt too badly. Wherever you have found yourself now, you will be fine. You might not know it yet, but I do. You are a survivor, Suzy Darling, and you have the love of a good man, even if I can never meet him. _

_Be happy, my daughter, and take my love for all that it is worth,_

_Your mother."_

The world has stopped. She can't feel her heart beating, or her hands that drop the letter and curl into fists to rest in her lap. Henry sits as close to her as he can, holding one hand over hers and brushing the air near her cheek.

"Suzy…" he murmurs sympathetically, but can think of nothing else to say.

"She didn't even get to say goodbye to me," she replies, taking off her glasses and casting them aside. She closes her eyes and leans into him, doesn't care about the cold chill that comes when she accidentally brushes through his legs.

"She would have made peace with that," he says. "Helen was good at accepting what came."

"She wasn't a fighter," she agrees with a pained sigh. "Henry, what will I do without her?"

"Live on," he answers unwaveringly. "It's what we all do. Well, sort of, in my case."

"Henry, I –" she opens her eyes, makes sure that he can see how much she means it: "I love you. And I'm sorry for being angry with you. If you weren't here, I'd never have found mum in the first place; I'd never have understood why she did the things she did."

He can't remember ever directly telling her. He's still afraid of the words, but right now Suzy needs his strength more than his fear. And what has a ghost got to lose? "I'm sorry too. You're…you're the love of my death, Suzy Darling."

Somehow, through all the guilt and dread and pain, she manages to find a smile that's just for him.

It's going to be a hard life, with this ridiculous love. But like her mother said, it's the love they've chosen, time and again, over all else – and what else is there to do but fight for it?

And maybe that makes them selfish, and foolish, but it's a decision they are willing to live with. Well. Henry would smile at that.


	2. Two: All I have to do is Dream

_Author's Note: _I realise this chapter is quite short, but they all do vary in length and circumstance, and the next one is quite long to make up for it :) Hope you enjoy, and thankyou to those who review, I really appreciate it even though I know the fandom's not as big as it was. :) **  
><strong>

**Two: All I Have to do is Dream**

Days like these make his death worth living.

They lay under a tree in the local park, far away from the eyes and ears of anyone. She curls into his side the best she can, transfixed as usual by the sight of him in a new light: his blacks and yellows and blues thrown into the brightness of a summer's day. He can't feel the grass beneath him but he can hear it rustling beneath Suzy, can smell its distinct fresh cut sharpness and that's good enough for him. He stretches languidly, like a cat in the sun, marvelling at being out underneath the weight of a blue Australian sky. He barely misses England anymore; the dull grey of London is just a distant memory. He's been dead for five years. They have an established routine now, however patchy it might feel sometimes. Aaron is no more than a blip on the radar. Suzy had tried to keep him around, because she thought it would be better for the kids…and because she liked his company, even if she couldn't love him. But in the end, she realised that even Verity and Elvis weren't crazy about him. They had a politely fun time together, and it was comfortable, and that was it. They never asked if they should call him dad, and Verity stopped talking about what might happen if Suzy married him. She hadn't known what it was, exactly, but there was a spark missing. Maybe he'd been a crutch for them in a time of need, when having some kind of normal father figure eased the pain of being a family member short. All she knew for certain about the whole affair was that she'd hated lying next to him in the dark when Henry's absence was as much an accusation as anything.

Now, she goes on dates every month or so to ward off suspicion – _but really_, she tells everyone, _I'm happy on my own. I don't need anyone._ That's not true but it's better than saying the man she needs is invisible to anyone else. She's gotten much better at keeping herself from looking insane. After all, they've been doing this for long enough now. They don't go spiriting. She's too afraid of it since the last time and he won't let her do that to herself again. Instead they go for walks in the park, spend days on the beach, go to the movies. She buys a head set so that she can speak animatedly to him and look like she's just on the phone. They do most things a normal couple would do, except they are never seen together. It doesn't bother Henry as much as it used to, now that they can go out into the world together. Suzy is the one who'd found it the hardest, dodging questions from the kids and snapping at her sister when she got too pushy about it. Eventually they'd learnt to give it a rest, and now she and Henry have settled into their own pattern, as normal as life with a ghost can be.

"I dreamed about you last night," Suzy tells him distantly. "You were real."

"You mean I was _alive,_" he protests.

"Does it matter?"

"Suzy," he clucks his tongue reprovingly. "I don't have much. I have to cling to whatever I can. Yes, it matters that I was _alive _rather than _real_."

"Okay then, you were alive," she concedes, shifting closer to him, the blades of grass tickling her cheek where his jacket should have done so. Now, she's more than used to the chill that comes when she's touching him. "It was wonderful. Everyone could see you."

"I don't remember that."

"No…I don't think you were there. I was dreaming about you, not with you. But everyone loved you. You were part of the family."

He grins lazily, repositioning his sunglasses against the glare. "What did the kids think of me?"

"Verity called you weird…but she said it was a nice kind of weird, like I am," she laughs.

"And Elvis?"

"He couldn't understand how I found such a _cool_ person to be with."

It's his turn to laugh, earnestly and appreciatively, until it meets the tail end of regret.

"Shame I missed that one," he ventures, clearing his throat.

"I'm sure there'll be more," she reassures him, but he still looks sulky. She decides to take his mind off it. "That one in the pool went pretty well," she says slyly.

He grins and thinks of cool water rushing over hot skin, lips and hands and the privacy of big umbrellas. "I'd say it went _very_ well," he replies smugly, "Shame we can't have more like that."

"I think the swimming probably triggered it," Suzy ponders, basking in the glow of his smile. She closes her eyes and remembers him sitting, unbreathing and bone dry, at the bottom of her new pool. _His eyes follow as she floats around him, hair billowing in the current she's created, skin luminescent with the filtered light from above. They don't take their gaze from each other, and it's an intimacy beyond what they'd feel even in bed._ "Maybe we could try that again," she breathes out, feeling a sudden heat.

"I look forward to it, Darling."

Now the air around them is charged with electricity, and she regrets bringing it up. He shifts restlessly against her for a while before sitting up to put space between them. Suzy pushes herself up too, hand falling on her necklace. He catches the expression on her face and gives her a sharp look.

"No, Suzy. Stop thinking about it."

"I wasn't thinking about spiriting," she replies defensively.

"Sure –"

"I wasn't! I was just wondering…why can't we just…you know, go to that first place like we used to?"

"What first place?"

"Well, before we knew about spiriting. We touched the medallion and went to that dark place…and then a dream…and that was it. What's wrong with that?"

He ponders it. "We never know what's going to happen though…"

"But it's never been anything bad, has it? And we'd be able to touch each other…" she bites her bottom lip, imploring him to agree. The sun has addled her brain and it's easy to imagine the heat she's feeling is coming from him, not the weather.

Henry puffs out his cheeks, considering. "I suppose it wouldn't hurt…what, you want to try now?"

"Yes," she answers firmly, already holding out the medallion for him to reach. He tries to think responsibly for a moment longer, to hold back because Suzy can't seem to manage it at times like these. Even if she _is _still afraid of losing time, he knows her well enough to know how easily she gets swept up.

"Just a dream," he affirms carefully, "Make sure we don't go too far, Suzy."

"I know."

"And check the time first."

"It's two fifty-six."

Suzy blinks slowly as if calming herself, but her mind is already adrift in a world that contains a Henry she can hold. Her expression is so full of adoration that he can't help it, he grins back at her in the last second before they're both ripped away from the real world.

Around and around they spin: an eternal circle in a shadowed world where tree branches screech in the whirling wind and they have to hold on or be lost. Suzy laughs, dizzy, the sound being torn from her throat and cast into the abyss as she squeezes Henry's hands tightly. His eyes burn like the moon on fire, his smile white-hot. His head pounds with the pressure of noise and nothingness that presses into his ears, the closest thing to a heartbeat he'll ever feel again. Struck with a sudden idea he lurches forward, breaking the circle, and grabs her by the waist and kisses her. The world spins madly ever onwards, a cacophony of light and sound and their lips meet with tender grace, the eye of the storm. He steps closer, their feet tangling together and just like that they trip and fall into sudden blackness. She tries to scream with the sensation but Henry keeps his mouth pressed to hers, swallows the sound, relishing it. It feels like years are passing by as they fall – and a brief moment of panic sees them both wondering if that's what's happening – until a ground comes into solid view and Henry has just enough time to twist so that he takes the fall with Suzy above him. It doesn't hurt, just knocks the breath from his lungs – breath he doesn't possess – and he gazes star struck into her face for a few dazed seconds.

Suzy's grinning, her cheeks flushed and hair a mess. Somehow, even though they've come to a stop, it feels like they're still spinning – the air around them rushes and whistles; their stomachs lurch as if the ground has been ripped away. She tries to speak but can't. She tries shouting but it sounds like white noise. There's nothing to see beyond each other's gaze – literally, nothing – just shadows. Trembling, she twists her fists into Henry's jacket and doesn't bother trying to stand. Henry doesn't mind. He repositions his legs so that she fits easily between them, her arms resting on his chest. His head is still lurching like an ocean, and as another wave surges forward he propels himself upwards and catches Suzy's lips. When they kiss, it seems to keep the spinning at bay. Time is of the essence. They don't waste it by dwelling on the sudden dead silence; they fill it with the sound of scraping clothes, ragged breaths, whispered words. All the things they don't usually get to hear. The silence is pressing in on them now, the shadows crawling closer. The dream is telling them it's time to go. They resist. Suzy steals his breath away, presses her forehead to his. Their heat is tangible, the air around them suddenly solid. Henry gasps under the pressure, digging his fingers into the crook of her elbows and then –

And then he feels nothing. Again. They're back in the blaring sun, his hands clenched against blades of grass that slip right through him. His body feels nothing, but as Henry grins at Suzy his heart bursts with enough emotion to make up for it.

"The time," he pants, catching his non-existent breath. "What's the time?"

Suzy sits up beside him, flushed with the heat of his kisses from another world, and checks her watch. "Ten past three," she announces happily. "Perfect timing. I have to go pick up Verity."

She gets to her feet, dusting off her clothes. And although he loathes the idea of leaving their rendezvous point, Henry follows along with a smile on his face. The sensation of her body lying over him is still fresh in his mind, and they catch each other's eyes every so often. Maybe it's his imagination, but he thinks he can almost feel the sunshine on his back. _Yeah_, he thinks with no semblance of sarcasm, _pretty fucking perfect, _as they share this lovely day.


	3. Three: Now or Never

**Three: Now or Never**

One day they find out.

It's Suzy's birthday, but there's not much he can do for her. The best he can offer by way of gifts is himself, so she knows him pretty bloody well by now. He's divulged his innermost secrets and stories over the years. The fact that she still loves him for all his doubts and darkness is a testament to their relationship.

"All right, now move to the left –"

"Ouch!"

"Well not that far –"

"Henry it's a little hard to know where to stop when you're blindfolded."

"Right, sorry. Are you okay?"

She rubs her shin, stepping awkwardly around the coffee table, and nods. He knows this is not much of a surprise, if she has to do it herself, but he can't do much more.

"Okay, now stop," he commands gently. "Reach out and pick up the plastic in front of you."

"Is this the record –?"

"Yes, you've got it. Now run your hands down, to the shelf with the vinyls."

He guides her through the motions of setting up the turntable. She's a good listener, and knows most of where it all is anyway. There's a sudden chill at her elbow, and Suzy knows that Henry is right next to her. His voice is that warm timbre that makes her insides surge. "Now, pick up the needle and move it…keep going…there. Drop it."

There's a crackling silence, and then a feint piano melody fills the room. Her whole body relaxes with the sound, her heart singing the words already.

"_I'll close my eyes, to everyone but you…and when I do…I'll see you standing there._"

Their song. Of course. Suzy has been too caught up in the sound of his voice and the throbbing of her shin to think of what might be coming. She slips the blindfold off, and Henry is standing in the middle of the living room.

"It's not much of a surprise, but…Happy Birthday," he says as the song tugs them forwards and plucks at their hearts. They start to dance, a slow step-by-step. Suzy's mouth stretches wide in a languid smile and she moves as close to him as she can get. Henry raises his hands to her palms. There's nothing but the space of life and death between them – a mere dimension, a magic veil. If it were a dream he would not even have to reach out to be touching her.

"I could do this forever," she says happily.

"Good, 'cos I've got a lot of time my hands," he replies, making a twirling motion with his fingers – she spins herself slowly underneath them. "As long as you don't get bored of me."

"Never. As long as you don't mind a pruny old dance partner."

"If you can still kick it at eighty, Suze, I'm there."

She laughs, and in that moment she can see it all, moments of her future, lined up like snapshots: forever dancing and laughing and loving this man with all her heart.

"You're never going to leave me, are you?" she says suddenly. It's not a question, it's a realisation.

He twirls her again, moving in close as she comes to rest in front of him. "Not if I have any fucking say in the matter," he declares firmly.

And they have haven't even realised it but the song is over and something else has started, something joyous that reaches deep into her soul and fills her with happiness. It builds up so quickly that she has to laugh to stop it spilling over, and she begins to spin in circles and dance a mad beat around Henry. He watches her somewhat ungainly and random movements with a repressed smile.

"Are you all right, Suze? You're usually a much better dancer than this."

"I'm great, Henry," she replies, clicking her fingers as she steps quickly towards him. "I'm fucking _brilliant._" Her swearing is always done in a breathless, rebellious way, and it makes him burst out in a grin.

"Come here then, you mad woman," he says, and together they finger-click and quick-step and make fools of themselves. The song is turned up and nothing in the world matters except this absurd satisfaction they feel with each other.

But the world has other ideas about what's important. Like remembering that you're having a birthday dinner at your house.

Suzy doesn't hear Jonquil calling her name over the din, doesn't know she's being watched until Henry spins her again and she winds up facing the very confused family that has just spilled into the living room.

The blood is rushing in her ears, creeping up to colour her face…the jazz song rolls on, now far too loud and obnoxious for a moment such as this.

"Suzy?" Jonks can't say anything else. Steve is staring at her, his arm half wrapped around Jennifer, who in turn clenches a firm hand on Verity's shoulder. Zach looks uncomfortable, as does Elvis's new girlfriend, shielded behind her embarrassed boyfriend.

Suzy opens her mouth to speak, but nothing comes out except a dry croak. She looks to Henry, who apprehensively nods at the turn table. With stiff, clumsy fingers she switches it off and faces the group.

"I forgot you were coming," she manages to say. "Sorry, I was just…having some fun –"

"With who?" Steve questions sceptically.

"No-one," Suzy says quickly. "I was…"

"You were talking to someone," Jonks points out. "And laughing."

Suzy looks again to Henry, which really doesn't help the matter, and he relays her thoughts exactly:

"Shit."

* * *

><p>Everyone wants an explanation, but Suzy can't seem to come up with anything. They begin arguing, as if it's going to help. Zach and the teenagers stand around looking embarrassed for her and it makes Henry want to reach out and take her hand. It's like watching someone drown.<p>

"Just say something Suze," he mutters. "Make up anything."

But she's floundering under the accusations of Jonks, who is three months pregnant and has since been acting as if she's the sole motherly figure in the family.

"It's like you've become this terrible attention seeker," she says loudly, "And I don't see _why_ when I've offered countless times to help you find a man so you're not lonely."

"Since when are you the fucking relationship expert?" Henry interjects, standing as close to Suzy as he can. She can hardly hear him over the voices of the others –

"Maybe we should go –"

"No, Zach, she needs our help –"

"What's wrong with your mum?"

"Nothing Steph –"

"Stop pretending Elvis, can't you see –?"

"I bet she's been doing this for years, she's always been a nut bag –"

"What the fuck do you know, Steve?" Henry shouts angrily, fists clenched in vain. "You're the one who –"

"_Enough!_" Suzy snaps, her voice echoing. "I'm _done_, I've had enough!"

Henry knows what's coming and it fills him with dread.

"Don't do this Suze, you'll look mad –"

But how many more years must pass before everyone gives up on labelling her as 'alone'? How much longer before she gets to be with Henry, finally, completely? There are too many years left for her to be with her kids, but not enough – too many years left of warding away questions as to why no other man will ever touch her. Because the one man she wants to can only do so in their dreams.

"I don't care if I look insane, I don't want everyone to think I'm _alone_!" she shouts emphatically, rounding on her sister. "I've been a good mother, Jonquil, for twenty years. I've had a marriage that burned me out and I don't need _you _to tell me that I should be looking for someone else when I found someone years ago!" Suzy is running out of breath. She meets eyes specifically with Henry as she says: "I – am – not – _alone_!"

No one knows quite what to say. Even the kids, who long ago accepted there was something strange about their mother, are watching her like she's going to break apart.

"Who did you find?" Jonks asks tenderly, in case she explodes.

"_He_ found _me_," Suzy answers. "Henry found me." She's trembling, beyond all coherent thought and sense.

"Suzy, stop," Henry pleads, "They're going to lock you up –"

But she can't stop. She's beyond having excuses now. The kids are too old to be taken away from her and after all these years she's earned the right to let her secret spill.

"I have the ghost of Henry Mallet living with me," she says slowly. "And I love him."

"Suzy…" Henry looks stricken. They're going to shut her in a mental ward for sure. She'll be so heavily drugged she'll never see him again.

"What did I tell you? She's a fruit loop," says Steve.

"I am _not crazy –"_

But Suzy is cut off. Nobody quite knows what to do with her. Their arguing is suddenly very panicked and insinuating. Elvis drags Steph outside, returning alone and ashen-faced. Verity stares at her mother as if she's disappointed. Jonquil and Steve are arguing with Zach. Henry paces listlessly, hands fisted in his hair. Suzy suddenly feels weak after her moment of sheer fury. Her knees feel like they're going to give way when a voice of reason comes to her rescue, from someone unexpected.

"_I _have a connection to the paranormal too," Jennifer declares with a clear of her throat. "Steve and Verity know what I'm talking about. Maybe we should listen to Suzy before we start jumping to conclusions."

There's a stunned silence.

"Jennifer, I have never loved you more in my death," Henry says. Suzy smiles timidly.

"That's different," Steve splutters, "That's…you're not saying you can see –"

"I can't see them but I know they're there," Jennifer replies firmly. "Don't tell me you're going to decide you think _I'm_ nuts too, Stephen."

"Well – no –"

"Then be quiet." Jennifer turns to Verity. "I taught you how to sense them, didn't I?"

Verity hasn't said much. She's been on the verge of finally believing her mother is sick and now everything's been turned around again. She just nods mutely.

"Well maybe we're about to find out where you got the gift from," Jennifer continues in that logical, high voice of hers. She looks to Suzy expectantly.

"T-thank you," she says. "Um…I'm just…I've kept this hidden…for so long…that – it's not fair on anyone to keep doing it. You waste so much time worrying about me…and I waste so much time lying that – it's ridiculous." Steeling herself, she looks at Henry for courage. "I'm the only one who can see him. He showed up in my penthouse at the Elysian the first morning I moved in…and he's been a constant presence in my life ever since."

"But that was nearly a decade ago Suzy," Jonks says imploringly, "Don't you think if you'd had the ghost of a rock star around for that long we would have noticed?"

"Well I'd have thought so too," Suzy replies, "But apparently you all thought I was weird enough that a little extra weirdness was nothing to worry about."

"Why didn't you say anything earlier?"

"Why do you _think_?"

"For this exact reason," Jennifer offers mildly. "It's a scary thought, knowing you have a gift that others might send you to a hospital for."

Suzy wonders how she ever thought badly of Jennifer, until she realizes something that gives her the chills.

"You taught Verity how to sense ghosts? Did you teach her how to get rid of them?" she asks quickly.

"Well…yes, but –"

"Don't you go touching a hair on Henry's head," she points an accusatory finger at Jennifer, suddenly protective and feverishly angry. "I had friends that you sent away thinking you were doing them a favour but you _hurt_ them. Well I won't let you do that to Henry, and neither will he. He's left this world before and come back just because he wanted to be with me so don't think you'll be able to 'help' him in any way –"

"Suzy, it's all right, I promise I won't touch him," Jennifer holds her hands up in defence. "Verity and I haven't done that in years."

"Can we stop talking about this as if it's normal?" Jonks interrupts. "Suzy is obviously troubled –"

"I can prove it!" Suzy exclaims, determined to make them all see now that she's got someone on her side. "Go into any room of this house – outside even – and say a number, a phrase, anything. Henry will listen to you and he'll tell me what you've said!"

"Suzy…"

"Please," she begs her sister. "Please just do it."

Jonks concedes, taking Zach with her for good measure. She strides out of the living room, out the front door. It slams hard behind her. With a careful look at Suzy, Henry follows them out. There's a tense few seconds as they wait. When the three of them return, everyone looks at Suzy expectantly.

She's looking at thin air as she listens to words they don't hear. But that doesn't stop Jonquil's mouth falling open as her sister says:

"Jonquil, you told Zach about the jellyfish that stung you in Byron Bay, and Zach…you said a number…you said nine million, two thousand, six hundred and thirty –"

"– six…" she and Zach finish at the same time. "That's unreal," he breathes out.

"And he can move things! Show them Henry!"

Henry has been watching the whole exchange with a mingled feeling of unease and anger. He'd always known the day might come that Suzy would lose it, but he never knew just how furious he'd be when the family turned on her. It's not their fault, he knows. How are they supposed to understand in a day when it took him and Suze years to find equilibrium? But it still doesn't stem the tide of restless fury he feels at Steve's complete lack of sensitivity, the urge to protect Suzy from harm beating like long-lost blood through his body.

"Right, I'll show them I'm here," he tells her. "I'm fucking _here!_" Fixing his gaze on Steve, Henry concentrates his riled emotions into a solid feeling and slashes the air in front of him. A rushing wind slams the turntable lid down and opens the cabinet doors. There's a collective gasp. Elvis goes pale. Henry does it again and magazines go flying off the coffee table. Verity's hand clenches around Jennifer's arm.

"Oh my god," she breathes out. Jonquil is in utter shock. Everyone is looking around the room warily, as if hoping to see the cause for the disruptions. Nobody says anything.

Suzy beams at Henry. She could kiss him.

And then Verity steps towards her mother. "Where is he?" she asks in a whisper. Suzy's heart soars.

"Just to my right," she answers gently, pointing. Verity stops just short of stepping on Henry's feet but he doesn't move. He's trapped by the importance of this moment that he's been imagining for years. He has watched these kids grow up and now they're about to discover him. Verity closes her eyes and takes a deep breath through her nose. Then she steps back over to Suzy and does it.

"I always thought it was just you," she says in a hushed voice. "Ever since Jennifer taught me how to do it I could smell something around you…it was like stale cigarettes…but it didn't make sense. I just thought it was some weird perfume you had, or something left over from when Nanna died. But it's not…it's him." She takes another sniff, and looks directly at Henry though she can't possibly know she's doing it. Henry suddenly sees himself looking over a much younger Verity, and singing to her while she sleeps a troubled sleep. He wondered then how much comfort he had been.

"I could smell you this whole time."


End file.
